


ain't that a kick in the head

by Medie



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-09
Updated: 2010-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-07 03:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>like the fella once said, ain't that a kick in the head?</p>
            </blockquote>





	ain't that a kick in the head

**Author's Note:**

> note: I found a meme. It goes as follows: 1. Pick a character, fandom, pairing, friendship, whatever.  
> 2\. Put on your music program on shuffle/random and start playing songs.   
> 3\. For each song, write something inspired by the song related to the theme you chose earlier. You only have the song length. No pre-planning and no writing after the song is over. No skipping songs either.  
> 4\. Do 10 songs and post. Make sure to include the song name/artist. (I must confess, peeps, I did skipped once or twice. But in my defense, if I hadn't? There would have been nice empty spaces where drabbles should have been.

1\. **"_lovers in a dangerous time_" - Barenaked Ladies** (in the greatest of ironies, I feel I should note I somehow acquired this song from a George/Winona fanmix and, um, it's the only one I have from this fanmix as I don't remember SEEING it)

Slumped on the floor, Jim leans forward to rest her head on her knee. She's tired. She is so goddamn tired and that's the bitch of it. All she can do is sit and watch.

Chapel bustles by, arms full of supplies, then M'Benga goes the other way. Doctors, technicians, nurses, all of them fly about at breakneck pace and no one spares her a glance.

"Get the fuck off the floor, Jim."

She opens one eye, peering past her knee to a pair of familiar boots. She knows the scuff on the right one.

"Some day you have to fix that," she says, nodding wearily at it. "Against regs."

"Report me," Bones snaps. His hand closes around her arm, drawing her up.

She's aware of the eyes on them, but she doesn't look. Not now. Let the fucking Romulans think what they want. She just saved their damn asses (she's not sure _why_, but go with it, okay?) and possibly started a war with the Klingons.

If she wants to make eyes at her boyfriend, who the fuck are they to argue?

Bones brushes fingers down her cheek. "You okay?"

She makes a face. "I'll be fine. You've got patients to worry about." A small smile tugs at her lips as she watches him. He's as exhausted as she is. "Figure out where everything's supposed to be yet?"

This time, he makes a face. "Fuck no. I thought these people were supposed to be Vulcans."

"Vulcanoid, Doctor," she sighs. "Vulcanoid."

"Yeah, whatever." He tips his head. "Come on, think we found the Commander and, uh, she wants a word."

2\. **"_standing outside the fire_" - Garth Brooks**

He's sitting on the front steps when he hears it. Familiar sound of familiar feet pounding toward him.

A hand claps his shoulder as Jim goes by. "C'mon, Bones," he says and Len can _hear_ the grin in his voice. "We've got work to do."

Shaking his head, Len gets up. "You're the only man I know can spend all damn day in meetings with the suits and come ready to take on a mountain." He thinks about making a joke, but doesn't. The damn last thing he needs is to put the idea of climbing mountains into Jim's head.

Jim turns around to face him, walking backwards, and fuck if he doesn't make it look effortless. "They're colonizing a planet." His eyes shine with excitement. "The Romulan dissidents. They petitioned the Federation to colonize a planet and President T'Pol went for it." He grins bright as the sun. "We're escorting them."

"And you're giddy," Len observes. "We're playing babysitters to some Vulcan wannabes and you're _giddy_."

Closing the distance between them in two steps, Jim catches him up in his arms. "Oh come on, Bones," he says, kissing him soundly, "like you aren't?"

Fuck, but he hates being a foregone conclusion.

Shut up. He _does_.

3\. **"_until the day I die_" - Story of the Year**

It's Bones.

Jim's not interested in subtle. Explosions are firing off all around him. He dodges a disruptor blast, going into a roll, and finds himself behind the remnants of a concrete wall.

At least, whatever passes for concrete on this planet. He grabs for his communicator, curses at its absence, and shrugs. "Fuck it," he mutters, popping up from behind his meager shelter. The Klingons (being Klingons) ake this as an invitation to open fire.

Swearing again, he flattens himself to the ground as half the wall burns away over his head.

That one's new.

He hears a shout that might be Spock, but in all the chaos, fuck if he can be sure about it. Overhead, the sky flares with another explosion. Jim uses it to try for view.

A flash of red, blue, and possibly gold. Chekov, definitely. Bones had been with Chekov and Uhura last he'd seen. Jim crosses his fingers and goes for it. He dashes across what used to be the townsquare before the Klingons blew into town. It's open, naked, unprotected, and he knows he's going to get yelled at later.

Jim doesn't care.

It's _Bones_. He'll go through the whole fucking Empire if necessary.

No apologies.

4.** _"I Will Always Return"_ \- Bryan Adams**

The press of Koloth's fingers still digs into Jim's chin when she materializes on the Enterprise. She takes a breath, nodding a hello at the transporter chief, and steps down off the pad.

"Captain --" Rand starts to speak. She keeps going of course, but Jim doesn't hear a word of it. All she hears is Koloth's voice, smooth and silky, _"My dear Captain Kirk, we finally meet."_

She closes her eyes for a moment and can feel him circle around her. The fascination in his eyes as he stared at her. The idea that the Klingon Empire is aware of her transition is unnerving. That they've paid attention is even creepier.

_"I must admit, Captain, I am enthralled. You have set the Empire abuzz with speculation. How is this possible?"_ She pictures his delighted smile and opens her eyes. _"Whatever the reason, my dear Captain Kirk, it is **glorious**."_

Rubbing her face with one hand, Jim waves Rand off. "Let's table this for now, Yeoman. I, uh, I think I need to see a man about a face."

Rand doesn't miss a beat. "Aye, Captain," she says. "Last I heard, Doctor McCoy is in your quarters."

Jim smiles with gratitude. "_Thank you."_

5\. **_"please forgive me"_ \- Bryan Adams**

He's late to the party. Nothing new there. Leonard McCoy hasn't been on time for a single function, professional or otherwise, since the day he went to medical school.

Not once.

It used to be annoying. Drove Jocelyn crazy. Used to frustrate him. Walking in the door, everyone staring, a few whispering, while he stands there and tries to figure out where she was.

Now, though, he kind of enjoys it.

Which, considering he's looking at a room of fifty plus Ambassadors, staff, and spouses, is a little masochistic. He _hates_ these things. Hates making small talk, listening to politicians drone on about this treaty and that treaty, drawing lines on a map and making decisions for billions of people.

He hates all of it, but he loves watching Jane work.

At the center of the room, Jane's deep in conversation with Spock's parents. She's in full dress uniform (and damn he owes the designers flowers for life for the way it hugs her curves) and laughing at something Amanda's saying. She leans closer, laying a hand on the woman's shoulder.

God, she's gorgeous.

He doesn't move. Not for a minute or two. Watching her interact with Sarek and Amanda, pausing to greet passersby, before focusing back on them...

Len feels something clench in his chest. Ten years and she still makes him weak in the knees.

She looks up, spying him, and smiles brightly. Returning it, he moves forward.

Something to be said for arriving fashionably late.

6\. **_"drops of jupiter"_ \- Train**

Jim's waiting when she materializes. He's fidgeting, he knows he is, but he doesn't care either. Not when the shimmer fades away to reveal Bones. She's glaring at him.

He kinda loves it.

"What in the fucking hell did you think you were doing?" she snaps.

Jim bites his lip. "Uh, well -- " he waves at the ship around them. "Putting the band back together?"

Thumping down off the transporter pad, Bones sweeps by him. She focuses on the lieutenant behind the console. "My things, where are they?"

"Should be on their way to your quarters." Jim catches her hand and shoots a look at the kid. "Lieutenant -- "

He nods and clumps by them. Jim forgets the kid's species, but damn he's tall.

When the door slides shut, Bones pulls her hand free. "All right, explanation time, Jim, what the _fuck_? I am supposed to be on my way to my new assignment."

"This _is_ your new assignment," Jim says as earnestly as possible. He plucks at his shirt. "Captain, remember?" He gestures around them. "Ship. Mine."

Frowning, Bones puts her hands on her hips. "Do I need to get my tricorder, Jim? You're not making any sense."

"Maybe you should try listening. You were there when they made me a captain, Bones, or don't you remember?"

She blushes.

Yeah, she remembers. He practically frenched her in front of the entire graduating class.

Fuck, it was awesome.

"I remember," she allows, cheeks bright red. "So?"

"So, _they gave me the Enterprise_." Jim grins. "Honey, we're home..."

7\. **_"two shots of happy, one shot of sad"_ \- Matt Dusk**

Slumped in a chair, Len looks at the glass in his hand. Empty. He'd laugh at the irony if he had the energy.

He doesn't have much of anything right now.

"You don't look so good," a voice says. The bartender. She looks down at him with eyes that are too knowing for his good.

He shrugs. "Rough week."

"No kidding," she agrees, sounding tired. Sitting across from him, she produces another glass from the robes she's wearing and that robe is something. A bottle seems to appear out of nowhere. She tips her head at his glass and he pushes it forward.

She pours. He drinks. It's a dynamic that works for him.

"Ever feel like you woke up in the wrong damn universe?"

Swirling her drink, she looks at him and then past him. He doesn't need to know who she's looking at. "At times," she says. There's an honesty there that Len doesn't want to think about. Not with Jim's weary 'Bones' echoing in his ears. "It'll take time."

"What will?"

A faint grin, quick and white in the dim room, and she nods in Jim's direction. "Nothing the captain of the Enterprise ever does is easy. Especially when it comes to admitting he's wrong."

Len waits for a refill. He squints at her. More than a little drunk. "You sound like you know what you're talking about, Miss -- "

Her grin widens. "I do." Standing, she leaves the bottle. "And it's Guinan. Why don't you buy him a drink? On the house."

8\. **_"save a horse (ride a cowboy)"_ \- Big &amp; Rich**

Starbase 11.

It's heaven.

At least, a small corner of it is. Emerging from the spa, Len stretches her arms over her head and lets out a sigh. "God, that was _amazing_."

On either side of her, Christine, Gaila, and Nyota all make similar happy noises.

"Betazoids," Christine says, voice pleasantly thick. She looks tousled and relaxed and Len's halfway tempted to requisition one of those masseuses for the Enterprise. Okay, more than halfway tempted. "Makes you wanna move, doesn't it?"

"Mmm, they get married naked you know," Gaila says. "No orgies at the wedding though."

She sounds so disappointed by that, Len can't actually laugh at her, but lord in heaven she wants to. "Well, I'm sure if you married one, they'd make a special exception just for you." Patting Gaila's arm, she turns. "See you guys later, huh? I promised Jim I'd meet him for a drink."

They protest, but she promised and, besides, no need for them to have a responsible adult along. Half the fun of shore leave is raising hell without the senior staff around.

Besides, she feels like raising some hell without worrying if her ass is showing.

Doesn't take long to find him. The base has a little bit of everything, including a dive bar. It's like stepping back inside to walk through the door.

Country music twangs in the air and there's real wood beneath her boots. Jim's kind of place.

Ignoring the admiring looks from the bar's inhabitants, Len heads for the bar. Jim's there, nursing a bottle of beer, and watching something on the screen overhead.

Some kind of fight on Risa.

Len wrinkles her nose. At least it's not Risan porn.

"Hey Bones," Jim says, pushing a glass of bourbon her way. "You're -- " he stops, mid-sentence, and stares at her. "You look _amazing_."

Sliding onto a barstool beside him, Len crosses her legs. She watches, with amusement, as he looks down at said legs.

"Really amazing," he amends.

"The Betazoid spa?" she downs the glass of bourbon in a single swallow. "Really kind of amazing."

"Yeah?" Jim asks. "How's that?"

Leaning forward, Len rests a hand on his knee. "They work miracles with their therapeutic massages." She squeezes a little. "Really took the kinks out."

He gulps, slow and stuttering, and she grins. He's wearing jeans, one of his old shirts, and she really, really wishes he wasn't wearing any of it.

"I think, if you'd like, a private session could be arranged."

Jim abandons his beer and the fight without a second look. "Your room or mine?"

Len throws a glance toward the back room. "Neither."

9\. **_"nothing better to do"_ \- leann rimes**

Jim grins at him. Her grin widens when Bones shakes his head. She can practically hear the protests starting.

"Mind the store for me, Spock?" she asks, sliding out of her chair. She doesn't look to see Spock nod his affirmation. She knows she's got it, so she leaves him to his sensor sweeps and gaseous anomalies and heads for the turbolift.

Protest all he wants, Bones is still hot on her heels.

"You are out of your damn mind, you know that, Jim?" he asks as the door slides shut behind him.

Jim slaps the privacy lock and goes to her knees. "Are you, or are you not, bored out of _your_ damn mind?" she asks, unzipping his pants.

She's got his cock in her hand before he can even think about arguing. (Bones always argues. He's _Bones_.)

"You're gonna be the death of me," he says, already starting to get hard.

"This is why you should never let me get bored," Jim says against his skin. She licks her way along his cock, playing happily. It won't take much to push him to the brink, even less to put him there again, and she can't resist pulling back to tease, "You know what mama said..."

10.** _"ain't that a kick in the head"_ \- Robbie Williams version **(woe, I have the Dean one too *pout*)

She belts him.

Jim figures he has it coming. He probably does. Really. He's probably done _something_. Slumped on the floor, he holds his jaw, trying to work out whether or not she knocked a tooth loose (if she did, she's totally fixing it) and manages a thick, "Ow?"

"_Jim_? Oh shit, what the hell are you doing here? LIGHTS!" Bones drops to her knees beside him, scrambling for a medkit. "Did I hurt you?" She bats his fingers aside and winces at the bruise. "Goddamn it, what the hell were you thinking?"

"That I was tired and I wanted to go to bed?" Jim says. "Didn't expect my wife to beat me senseless."

Bones scowls. "You're supposed to be in Paris. Federation president? Big meeting? Lots of muckity-mucks. Remember that one?"

"Canceled. Klingons."

It's the new rage. Everything gets called on account of Klingons. If there was still a world series, they'd probably cancel that for them too.

"Still missing the part where you decide to break into your own fucking house," Bones growls. She sweeps the tricorder over him then slaps him in the neck with a hypo (seriously, she has an unnatural love of those goddamn things) and he swears it hurts more than the punch.

Come to think of it, she _punched him_. What's that need a hypo for?

He asks and she gives him a look. He knows that look. It's the 'I married a fucking moron and, some days, the orgasms just aren't worth it' special.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Answer mine!"

"It's an injection of some common sense. First fifty thousand didn't work, but a woman can live in hope." Bones folds her arms (oh, no bra, _yes_) and glares harder.

Jim rubs his jaw and winces. "Wanted to surprise you. Guess who's never doing that again?"

She snorts and gets up. "I hate surprises, dumbass. Married this long and you still don't know that?"

Jim shrugs. "I'm following your lead. I live in hope."

Bones rolls her eyes. "Get naked, stupid. If you're going to have bruises, they might as well be the good ones."


End file.
